Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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