I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
