You can't motorboat a personality
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
