Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
