I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
