I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
