Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
