I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
