I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
