I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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