i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
