You can't motorboat a personality
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
