So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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