One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
