she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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