either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
