A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
