I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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