very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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