gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
