saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize