Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
