R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
