I'm gonna have a badass scar
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
