Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
