Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
