well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
