Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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