i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
