Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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