Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize