Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
