that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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