when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
