I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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