If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And then he peed in my hair
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