We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize