I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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