Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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