I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
