I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
