I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
