In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
