This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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