is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we're so committed to being not committed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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