Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
