she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Randomize
