The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
