bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
be right there i have to get my cape
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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