mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
