Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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