If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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