Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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