Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
