The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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