Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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