I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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