So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
