I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
