Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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