Only a mothe r could love this liver
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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