dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Pooping to opera.
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