i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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