Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need moral support for this bender
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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