So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
