I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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