the condom got lost in my hair
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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