she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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