what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
