your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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